Just Breathe: How to deal with a job split

I’ll never forget the day my mom called and, aghast, screamed in the phone, “You won’t believe what your sister is doing today!”  Oh my gosh Mom, what?  “She’s hiking!  Hiking! Can you believe that?! She should be out looking for a job!”I’m happy to report that was well over ten years ago and my sister has been gainfully employed since, not a hiccup to be heard.  Laid off from a large company who offered a small severance, my sister was the single mother of 2 daughters.  While well-intentioned, my mother didn’t realize my sister was doing exactly what she should have been.  Breathing.Even under the best “already have a great job” circumstance, job hunting is stressful.  Resume re-introduction, career soul searching, and rejection, all together feels like a full-time job.  But after a lay off or the dreaded termination, not only is a job search all the above, it’s pain on public display.Quiet, already have a job, job seekers play cat and mouse with their current employer, sneaking time on their computer or sneaking out for interviews.  All the while, still earning a pay check. But forced career changers feel exposed, vulnerable, and embarrassed.  Partners, friends and family eye you every time you stray too far from your computer.  You show up to the weekday Little League game without your work clothes on, oh no.   What will people think?  It’s hard enough to be in that position much less wondering what everyone around you is saying about you being in that position!It needn’t be.  Get your life together.  Breathe.Job death by lay off and job death by termination can feel similar – one death is sudden and the other tends to be a slow, painful death, but the result is the same.  Death.  It is sad, traumatic and life defining.  So treat it as such.As you begin to put the pieces of your life back together and create your career recovery plan (and yes, you need one) insert moments of breath and reflection.  Whether it’s a daily hike, a yoga class, or time to binge watch a Netflix show, this time is not just important, it’s necessary.  Put it in your daily routine and make it non-negotiable to yourself and all those around you.Besides the birth of a child and retirement, there are few post college events presenting with an opportunity to take a break from work.  While not purposefully, a job split grants a rare respite.  Rest assured, whether your stretching in yoga or hiking up a hill, the trauma will be top of mind.  Create a safe and relaxed space for thinking, and let the work begin.How has this split left you feeling?  Are you angry?  At who? If this was a job termination, do you feel responsible?  Was it reasonable?  What did you learn about yourself?  How will this knowledge help you in your next role?  How will you communicate the termination in an interview?  How have you managed life set-backs in the past?Lay-offs can feel like the discovery of a sordid affair – it starts with, “what the world just happened here?”  then becomes, “ohhhh….now I get it.” We might feel victimized or cheated.  What did you miss? Were there any warning signs?  What did this say about this particular company?  About the industry? How will you use what you learned in your job search?  Is it time to consider a different position or industry?As you create your new out of work schedule (yes, you need that too) and begin the process of understanding where you’re at, create your time line.  Putting your own structure around this process allows you to take control of something that feels out of control.For most people, the time line is based on how much time you have before you run out of money.  For instance, having three-month’s severance is a very different time line than no severance or a year of severance.  The longer time line could allow for job retraining or career change.  If you have significant reserves, your time line might include an entrepreneurial plan or a trip you haven’t had time for.  Long or short, break down the time and create goals for each segment – “By the end of the first 2 weeks I will have a completely revised resume that has been proofed by 3 trusted friends.”  “By the end of Month 1, I will make 6 new networking contacts and have sent my resume to twelve job postings.”Assign yourself an accountability partner.  What trusted resource will you celebrate your milestones with?  Who will call BS when you haven’t?  If you have the financial resources, a career coach can be very useful here.  Unlike your co-bill payor (or your mother) they have no skin in your game.   If you admit to spending more time watching Netflix than on LinkedIn they will ask you why, but they won’t judge your answer.  A very valuable thing in the heat of job-loss commiseration procrastination.  That struggle bus is real.Job splits, no matter how traumatic, can be transformative.  It’s scary and it’s stressful so don’t forget to breathe. This time, used effectively, can turn your career recovery into a life discovery.And Kelli, I told Mom all of this too.  You’re welcome!If you’re interested in a free 30-minute strategy session, contact Kristin at Kristin@KristinLobenstein.com.