Managing Your Inner Critic in Job Search

This article was published on LinkedIn in June, 2024

Hello June!

While it hasn’t looked a lot like summer, with the crazy weather throughout the country, the heat is turning up and summer is definitely here.  And with it, graduations, summer vacations, absent recruiters and busy hiring managers.  Your phone isn’t ringing.

 When we don’t hear back from hiring professionals and network partners, it’s easy to start the negative self-talk  – “What is wrong with me, what was I thinking, why don’t they like me,” the list goes on.  In coaching we call this the inner critic and it’s prevalent in people with a strong inner drive for success and perfection.  The very qualities that propel you can also undo you.

The inner critic is sometimes called a gremlin because it’s like a little ugly green beast that takes up residence inside your head.  Gremlins can nag us, distract us and shame us, but it’s not always bad.  It’s also here to protect us.  It likes to remind you of past disappointments, so you won’t be disappointed again.  It holds you accountable to yourself as well, by saying, “Um, didn’t you tell your career coach you were going to call all those people?”

 So how do you know if, and when, you should believe this little gremlin?  And what do you do if it really starts to undermine your job search?  Here are some tools I use in coaching to keep you in the driver seat of your thinking.

 Stay Mindful.  Start by using the tools of self-awareness and mindfulness.  The process below can help to tame this inner beast, and lead to a more peaceful career transition.   

 Self-awareness, or, knowledge of knowledge, is essentially the study of yourself.  By observing your own thought patterns, you will begin to understand when the inner critic is most likely to surface and in what situations.  You might hear the inner critic yelling at you after every job interview, obsessing over every answer. This gives insight into where the inner critic feels it needs to protect you (“I want you to be better”), or where you have some insecurities and are likely to judge yourself too harshly (as in, "I can't believe you said that!).  Once you have identified these thought patterns, you can use mindfulness techniques to manage them.

 Mindfulness is thinking about your thinking – now you know your patterns and you can actively manage your inner critic as these thoughts and situations arise.  After every job interview, before your inner critic can take over, remind yourself of the positive things that happened in the interview – it went over its scheduled time, the interviewer seemed very engaged, you received good feedback, etc.  Nothing positive to report?  What did you learn about yourself?  What areas of interviewing do you need help with?  Who could you ask for help (me!).

 Early internal intervention can do wonders in the job search roller coaster of activity and inactivity.  Pay attention to how these voices help you and hurt you, and then take steps to actively manage them.

 Question it.  Is the story your gremlin/inner critic telling you real?  Like I said, sometimes the inner critic is nagging you to help you.  Like when you told yourself you would reach out to 20 networking partners this week and you only reached out to 5.  A good example where the inner critic is nagging you to get busy and helping you stay accountable to yourself.  That’s real.  Versus, the self-doubt that came after a great round of interviews produced no offer.  Does this mean you’re a failure?  Nope.  That’s the story you are telling yourself and it’s not real.  A great round of interviews is still a great round of interviews. 

 Questioning the inner critic allows you to jump back into the driver seat of your thoughts and take action – “I better get busy on my goals,” or, “I’m proud of myself for doing so well!”

 Forgive and reflect.  Job search can produce so many vulnerable feelings.  This may be the first time you have had a break from work or a steady paycheck – very scary.  Maybe you have been laid off before and this is bringing back feelings of that experience and how hard it was to find a new job – completely understandable.  You decided to take early retirement and you’re suddenly bored to tears – ouch.  When you have more time to dialogue inside your own head, all sorts of scenarios and catastrophes can populate your mind.  Forgive yourself for doubting yourself and let those feelings know you hear them too.

Reflect on your past accomplishments and the hard work that got you there.  That success didn’t happen overnight, or in 4 months even.  It took time, focus and diligence.  You have succeeded before, and you will succeed again.  Remind yourself of this.  Daily.

 Create a personal board of directors.  When your gremlins voice is overpowering, and maybe sounds like your parents, a former boss, or even spouse, reach out to people who know you and the value of your work. This allows you to hear new voices, the ones outside of your head.  Include on your personal board of directors people you trust.  It can be friends and family, or clergy, but should also include former colleagues, leaders, mentors and advocates.  Reach out to them when you’re down and allow them to remind you of your worth, even when you feel your own self-worth is suffering.

Inner critics and gremlins can be difficult to wrangle.  Whether you are trying to listen to them for help, or disarm them, know they are normal and even beneficial.  If you stay aware of the role they are playing, you will find great learning there.  People don’t believe me when I tell them this process can be life changing, in a good way.  What you learn about yourself in this process will come with you into the next chapter, no matter what, but it’s a choice to let it transform you.